Posted: December 1, 2013 in Uncategorized
This week is male abuse awareness week, a chance to bring awareness of hidden victims of abuse.
Many men live their lives never disclosing what happened to them. There is still a stigma attached to men who disclose. The fact that one in six are survivors of abuse. This needs to be changed. Men are seen as strong and should have fought the abuser off. I ask you how can a young boy of any age be asked to fight off their abuser.
We need to help the thousands of male survivors to start their healing journeys and bring this in to the light. And reach out to those who need someone to tell their story to and to just say I belive you.
Posted: November 26, 2013 in Uncategorized
Trust. A small word with a huge meaning. For almost 30 years I’ve struggled with trust. But last night, I realised I was safe with friends. I let my barriers down for a few moments. I am so glad I did because it gave me a chance to experience something wonderful. The moment when I feel comfortable with others.
This is another step on my journey of healing. A new chapter of hope. I never ever thought I’d feel safe again. When I started this journey 3 years ago I would never have foreseen a time when I felt like a real person again. I thought I would never trust again. I now see a more positive future for myself.
In three years I’ve come on in leaps and bounds.
Posted: November 14, 2013 in poetry
When you step out in to the light
Your courage shines through
When you make a stand for what’s right
You give others hope
When you break your silence
You shatter your chains
When you stand tall
You start to heal.
Are we stronger together
Posted: November 12, 2013 in Uncategorized
I’ve had a really stressful day but by writing the stress just falls away. It’s like being able release tension and put everything into perspective.
It’s strange that I can now put down what is going on in my head. When all the abuse stuff came up three years ago I couldn’t write a single sentence before breaking down in tears and having to stop.
I kind of see my healing as a path. Some of this path is clear, wide and open. And other parts are dark and twisty, I feel the dark and twisty time are the times of most healing. I think it’s due to the fact I have to be more careful on these parts of my journey.
I’m learning to appreciate the beauty of a sunset or a rain storm. This afternoon I looked out of the window at work and saw the most wondrous sight of a perfect sunset. Red lined clouds and a crimson hue.
Posted: November 12, 2013 in poetry
What makes us stronger
Our past makes us stronger
Our courage makes us stronger
What makes us stronger
Our hope makes us stronger
Our love makes us stronger
What makes us stronger
Our voice makes us stronger
Our unity makes us stronger
Always stronger together.
Posted: November 10, 2013 in Uncategorized
This subject was suggested by a friend.
Well authority, I tend to how do I put it. Have issues with authority. I think as a result of the abuse I find authority as a challenge. I think it’s like me trying to have control of any situation.
When the abuse stuff first reared its head, I rebelled and tried to buck authority. This was noticed and I had to explain my actions. Even now I struggle with authority.
I think my problem is I sometimes feel that I have to buck the system just to get heard. Even with my Gp I want what I want and not what’s good for me.
So, I think it comes down to control. Who controls me and my actions. Hopefully I’ll be able to just accept authority when it’s needed and not be so bolshy.
Posted: November 9, 2013 in poetry
I am sorry Sorry for the life you gave me
Sorry for the shame and guilt
Sorry for the pain you caused
I’m sorry I never reported you
I’m sorry I kept your silence
I’m sorry I hid my shame.
I feel sorry for you
I’m not sorry I’ve stared to live again
I’m not sorry I shared my story
I’m no longer sorry.
Posted: November 3, 2013 in Uncategorized
Being a survivor has brought up one mega issue. What is my sexual identity? It feels like it’s been switched off. I am attracted to women but I’m just not sure of the feelings.
Has being abused affected this. I think so. I keep thinking why?
Over the last few days this has been praying on my mind. It’s so confusing because I just want to have normal feelings.
Posted: October 31, 2013 in Uncategorized
As time moves on I find my voice is becoming louder and clearer. The thing I find most difficult to accept is that others listen to me and believe in me. I think it comes from the shadow of the abuser, the perception that I’m not worthy.
Of course, by starting this journey three years ago. I wanted to end the silence. As a male survivor I find the difficulty of being able to express what I have been through.
Sometimes I feel that being a voice for others is the hardest thing. As I feel that I shouldn’t say something’s as it might hurt others. But the most important thing is that someone speaks up for those who have yet to find their voice.
The way I’ve chosen is this blog with a mixture of poetry and posts like this. Posts that chart my journey ever forward and ever open and honest. So if people feel uncomfortable with my writing, I’m not going to apologise for sharing my truth and story.
Posted: October 24, 2013 in Uncategorized
In a weeks time I’ll be celebrating two years in my job. This time two years ago I was still struggling with who I was. Now it’s going to be more change, change for the better.
I would have believed I could be doing what I’m doing. The company I work for have been so supportive. I will never be able to thank them enough.
I feel that I’m not the same person. I’ve have changed and grown so much.
Change for better
Change for the worst
Change is good
Change moves you on