I am 40. When I was 13, I was abused by a family friend. It was
summer 1985, the rest of the family were out. The friend who was our builder
and decorator was always around but never when I was alone. I hid what
happened from all my family for 25 years. My school work suffered and I
started to steal things to get attention.
This went on for years. He was always around doing little jobs for my
parents. I just disappeared and went to my room. This upset my family as
they wanted me to help. In 1989 he offed me a job. I turned him down.
Three years later he was doing contract work where I worked. He trapped me
in the toilets and tried it on again.
In April 2010 I was working as a catholic missionary in the UK. During one of the missions I was on the visitation team. During one afternoon I had two conversations that blew my world apart. They were on the subject of child abuse in the church and the popes visit.
It took a day or so to sink. I woke up one morning and I knew something was wrong. My behaviour changed overnight. It was obvious that I had a problem. I couldn’t put my finger on it but there was a huge change.
After the mission I spent two days in a hotel trying to figure out what my next move would be. After these two days I was thrust in to fire of a secondary school mission. Which was just like burning my brain out.
This stayed with me for the next few months. The pain festering inside while trying to keep my mind.
In August 2010 when I was affected by a talk I had heard. I then
decided to start counselling. During one of these sessions I disclosed to my
counsellor. Then the biggest decision I would ever make to disclose to a
friend. That day I remember clearly. I couldn’t tell my family. In November
2010 I told my dad. He was totally heartbroken. I then told my whole family.
It caused me a lot of stress. In may 2011 I was given news that would change
my life forever.
In September 2011 I went on a NAPAC course to help me cope with all the
issues I’ve faced. Since then I’ve found a good job. I’ve moved in to my own
flat and started to live my life again.
I hope this will bring some hope to others
Over the last few days I have had more memories come to the fore about my past. One has been praying on my mind. The fact that my abuser always arranged some time alone with me. Whether it’s him telling my parents he needed my help getting decorating supplies or just offering to drive me places. My parents never suspected what he was up to. Neither did I to be honest.
He even offered me a job as his apprentice which I turned down. My parents thought I was being ungreatful and stubon. He even invited me to his house after getting a new batterry for my old car. I remember him putting his hand on my knee while sitting in his car. Now I have had more memories rear their ugly heads.
There was a time when my family had gone on holiday and he was doing some work around the house. And he was always there when I looked around. He once tried it on with me in my own bedroom. Luckily my family arrived just in the nick of time.
As time has moved on I am realising that this blog is a way of helping others, who have suffered greatly and survived.
I now want to use my experience to help others. The last few years have not been easy but I’m a survivor.