Living with mental illness 

So for the last six years or so I’ve lived with mental illness, I’ve had my up’s and down’s. The problem is my mind is like a roulette, I don’t know how I’ll wake up of a morning. 

Whether I’m going to be on a high or not. I’m struggling to comprehend my feelings at the moment. Also struggling at work sometimes.

Even with the coping methods I have, I get overwhelmed with emotion and anxiety. This is not an easy way to live but I get on with my life. Hopefully keeping positive while dealing with this. 

How writing helps

Over the last few days and weeks I’ve struggled with my mood. However sometimes just writing down my feelings has helped focus my mind.

It’s times like this that I’m more creative. Somethings are easy to write about, but my feelings when down is hard. Sometimes I realise that you just have to ride the wave. I have been so lucky to have a large group of people who care about me. There are some just dealing with this on their own.

When I write, I feel empowered and invincible. I can take on the world and some. I hope my words help others and can show that recovery is possible.

Even though I’m struggling I can see how far I’ve come. Ever onwards to be the person I am meant to be. 

How I’ve conquered the lows

So over the last few weeks I’ve been able to stabilise my moods. It has not been easy, but what I’ve done is take some time each day to see what my issues are and see if I can deal with them. If not just say to myself “there’s nothing I can do, so time to move on”.

Also, the realisation that I can’t change the past and some self care. More time to rest and understand who I am. One of the biggest reasons is that I’m making time for my hobby. Going down to the theatre on a Saturday to help with the set and spending time with great friends. 

I know that there will be more lows and I hope that my therapy appointment comes through soon. 

My inner child

Sometimes I feel the need to let my inner child have some time. He is the one part of me I so want to protect. Sometimes it does you good to just let your adult side rest a bit. 

As I lost most of my teenage years, I realise that there is a thirteen year old boy just feeling alone. Over the last few years I’ve learned to let my inner child out so he can heal. 

This sometimes is the best therapy, no cares or worries for a few hours. As I heal, I know that my inner child will heal as well. I am realising that to be whole, I need to accept my inner child and feel comfortable. 

Sharing my story

Over the past few year I’ve shared my story. Many of you who have supported me know most of my story. As I’ve told it, it has become easier to tell. 

The reason I decided to share it in the first place, was to show that it was needed to be brought in to the light. Even now it seems that people don’t want to speak out. When I shared this for the first time, I felt that I was watching myself sharing it.

As time goes on I feel that a major part of my healing, was to share my story. I now will always be open and honest about what happened.

As for my healing process, I now see myself as a thriver in progress. Just like everyone else.

Finding peace with my past

Even though what happened to me all those years ago has hurt me in ways I can’t describe. Now I see that everything I’ve been through has been worth it.

I’ve realised that my journey has been full of positives. Almost five years ago I met some of the funniest, talented and best friends. They accepted me for who I am, including all my quirks and foiballs. That goes for to groups of people, my work colleagues and the theatre mob.

They’ve taught me that being myself can lead to happiness. Yes there’s still work to do but I’m finding a new peace with my past. 

Fighting my mind

At the moment, I seem to be fighting my own mind. Even though I know that I’m strong and winning the battle. I wish sometimes my mind didn’t work overtime like it does.

Sometimes I struggle to control my thoughts, even though I have coping methods. These methods work to a point but sometimes my brain is so active I can’t control my thoughts.

I however see this fight as part of my healing process. I sometimes realise that the fight makes me stronger. It gives me hope and shows in alive. The fight is good because for many years I didn’t fight, I just existed. 
The fight is worth it because I’m learning something new about myself. 

Living with mental illness 

Sometimes my life can be the biggest struggle. There are days when just getting out of bed is a huge task, let alone going to work. My problems are more than just feeling sad. I have days when I’m so positive, I feel like superman. Then there are days that I just can’t focus besause I’m so down.

Also, sometimes I can’t feel anything. Just a numbness and an emptyness. These day are thankfully few and far between. I also struggle with anxiety, I may seem calm on the outside but inside my heart is pumping and my mind racing. Even though I have ways of controlling it, living with it is interesting to say the least.

I’ve been so lucky to have the support I have got. People who understand that sometimes I may not be at my best. Living with mental illness is a challenge and I am up to that challenge.