How do I become an advocate for change

I’ve been thinking that I can be an advocate for change. I don’t know the first thing about it.

Do I need qualifications or just a strong will and a good heart. I’ve been looking for some way to reach out and help others.

Since I started on this journey, I’ve had an insatiable passion to help others. Some may well describe it as a calling.


100 years

One hundred years ago, in a far flung field

Young men fought for our freedom

They were the brave and the best

One hundred years ago, in a far flung place

Between the bombs and the mud

They fought with heart

One hundred years ago, in a foreign land

Far from their loved ones

They held the line

One hundred years ago, in a foreign field

You died with bravery

You’ll never get old

And we will never forget.

Keeping Perspective

Even though I have struggled over the past few weeks, I look back a year and see that I’m so much better.

A day I feared, passed this without me even thinking about it. That day was a I went to the police station to report.

Whatever happens now, I have to keep perspective. Yes it happened, but it was a long time ago. I now am able to accept what happened but I’m not fused by it. I’m now a functional adult (well almost).

To live in the now, has been a real task. There are time I get triggered but they are not as bad as they were.

I’m not fully healed but I’m further along my journey, I’m able to deal with the emotions and memories better.

With only two more therapy sessions left, I feel that I am not the person I was a year ago or even six months ago.

Moving forward

Over the last few weeks I’ve struggled with my emotions. I know that it’s part of the healing process, but this is the first time I’ve really felt them.

I’m not sure if this is normal but in a way it’s kind of freeing. I’m also realising that some of my behaviour is affected. This kind of bothers me, as I know that others can be affected.

Sometimes, I tend to self sabotage. Which can be a form of self harm, I realise that alcohol is one of my go to things for self medication.

I also need to learn to say no, I realise that I should not have taken the role in my last play. I was so taken with the awesome summer I had. I didn’t see that I was not fully mentally prepared and I began to loose the love for the theatre I have.

So, now I taking a break from the theatre, I’m starting to miss it. I still need to recharge my batteries and enjoy the variety of my life.

What a year.

This time a year I thought I had nothing to live for. But, I filled out one form and spoke to a lovely police person.

It has been an awesome year in many ways, firstly having the strength to continue. To be able to do the right thing, by going to the police. That brought up its own problems but it was worth it. It caused me a lot of anxiety and pain. I had to relive what happened and come to terms with possibility of facing you abuser in court. Also the psychological pain of not knowing what the outcome would be.

I had to take a month of work due to the state my mental health was in. However, it did bring some relief.

I had less worries over Christmas and new year. In February, I moved teams at work, a fresh start. In March, I started therapy. This was weekly and now fortnightly.

The police confirmed that they weren’t able to locate the person who had abused me, time to draw a line under that.

As far as drama is concerned, it’s been a busy year. Doing panto over Christmas, then straight into rehearsals for A Comedy of Errors. I was also doing backstage work on another play. Then came summer almost no stop until this wee (bar week on the cruise).

Even though I still have a lot of work to do, I’m in a better place than I have been in almost thirty three years.

Recovery from abuse

I’m now at a point where, I’m starting to feel that recovery is possible. Having had to face for the first time. Having to feel and understand how much progress I’ve made.

This last week has been very painful, it eight years since I disclosed. In the last eight years, I’d never actually felt the feelings. I would let them overcome me and I would not be able to function.

Yes the last week was tough, on many levels. But I realise that, it’s all part of the journey. I’m not going to say a I’ve been cured, but I can now just observe and acknowledge what happened.

As I heal, I realise that I have good mental health and no longer an illness or a label. I’m now person who loves life and I know that recovery is not only possible but it happens.


I’ve just got back from an awesome holiday, I went on a cruise to Norway. I feel that this is a breakthrough, I was able to be Ed. Just me, no preconceptions from others.

It was liberating, as I finally felt “normal”. Not to say I didn’t have my moments, I was nervous before boarding. However I managed to just lay my past down for a few days.

I’ve also had a chance to think about my life, one thing I want to do more than ever now is to help other survivors. I want to be able to tell them that despite what we’ve been through, there is an end to the pain.

So I have a new list of things to achieve.