Courage 

I’ve been pondering about, what it means to be courageous? This is difficult because it means different things, for different people.

For instance, being able to stand up against a bully. 

For me, I see that courage comes from being able to be vulnerable enough to open up your heart. To be open enough to ask for help. To share a part of your life that has been kept secret. 

For seven years I’ve fought my self, my doubts and insecurities. Some times courage is the simplist thing, going out.

As time has moved forward, I realised I’m surrounded by courageous people. People who decide to help other for no reward or praise.

Some people have called me courageous, I’m not. I’m just one voice of many. 

Not counting my chickens

For the first time in months, I’m feeling confident in myself. I feel that, I want to do things. To be around others, I hope this reciprocal. 

My depression has lessened and I’m not so anxious. My confidence has always been an issue, believe it or not. My outlook has changed, I seem to smile(really not a false smile) more, I have more energy. 

Even triggers aren’t so bad, I here a certain persons name and know I’m safe. The next few weeks are going to be tough, but I know my awesome friends and family will be there for me. When I look back to a time when I would struggle to get out of bed. Now I’m so full of life.

However, I know that this could be temporary. So I’m not counting my chickens.

But for now I feel So alive.  

Mental health awareness 

One of the hardest conversations a sufferer can have, is the first one. I remember when I realised I had a problem, I left it stewing inside for three months. This almost cost me my life, now I see that I should have spoken out.

Now I see that the stigma needs to be broken. If you’re struggling with any form of mental health issues, just seek a friend and talk. 

If you’re worried about someone, just be there for them. Give them the time to share if they want to. 

It seems that it’s now more famous people are sharing their stories. 

You should never be ashamed of have mental health issues. 

Someone, once said to me “if you break your leg, do you just limp on in pain. Mental health is the same and sometimes just talking and having someone to listen. Can make the difference”

Time to break the taboo, have the conversation. 

Ever evolving

Last August I came out as bi sexual, as the months have gone on I’ve realised that it’s more complex. I’m realising I’m not totally bi, I’m more asexual- bi romantic. I don’t really want a sexual partner. I’m looking for companionship and close friendship. 

It just goes to show, that I’m ever evolving. Always changing, I know one day soon I will meet mr or ms right. Then my life would be complete. 

A letter of hope

Dear Ed (aged 13)

As in my previous letters, I just want to reassure you. I’ve spoken of my admiration of how you’ve dealt with this over the years.You remain a wonderful person who brings joy to others.

As time goes on you will feel more human and start to live again. However you must not take this for granted. You can become a ray of hope.

Hope is one thing you can give freely, hope of recovery, hope to face the future and hope to others. The last one is so important, it gives you an opportunity give back something.

And finally, keep a smile on you face. Sometimes you’ll have to fake it, to make it.
All my love Ed (the thriver)