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The unexpected gift

When all of the sexual abuse stuff came up I saw no bright points. All I saw was darkness and pain. Easter is for me a fulcrum, a cross roads. 

I struggle on Maundy Thursday because in my lowest moments I feel that I am walking in the garden of gethsemane. Then on good Friday I always feel tearful.

Easter Sunday I have the feeling of being reborn, this has happened each of the last five or six years. 

The unexpected gift I talk about in my title, is that I’ve been able to understand others pain and try and help them see that healing is possible. As I do this my own healing is increased and my mood changes for the positive. 

Also as I grow, I see that it’s ok to ask for help and to accept it when offered. I’m beginning to understand that I my be in my forties physically but I’ve had to go back to my teens to deal with the emotional issues. This was told to me at the start but I never believed this.

The gift of a second chance of growing up, I’m so glad that I never took the ultimate solution. I’m glad I made the choice to live and to be alive. 

So many people have been there for me, from family to priests and colleagues to the best friends a bloke can ask for. 

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