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Being Ed

Over the last few months, the real Ed is beginning to show. I’m realising that by moving forward and dealing with the abuse and the resulting mental health problems, has freed me from my past. It’s been like living a nightmare. Thirty one years of pain and shame seems to be clearing. 

I’ve been so lucky to have great support from family and friends, in different ways they have brought out the real me. Whether it’s the friends I made while in community, these were the fist to show support. All those days when I could not look anyone in the eye. Then I met two people who just were there for me, when I wanted to just crawl under a stone and die. One of those held me when I was at my lowest ebb, he showed me that I can trust again. For that I’ll be eternally greatful. 

Then there are the people I work with, so accepting. So caring, in the last five years they have seen the best of me and the worst. They have been there for me and encouraged me, bullied me when needed and just been there. I could never ask for such great friends. 

Then comes the Guildonian’s what can I say. The last four and half years have been awesome, I’ve had the chance to grow in ways I never thought I could. From making my stage debut in 2012 to winning at the Brentwood one act festival. They once again have been so accepting. Leading me astray most Wednesday evenings. But the important thing is they’ve given me the chance to learn about being Ed.

Now the most important people, my family. In particular my two brothers, if I could choose my brothers. Tom and Joe would always be my choice. Loving me for who I am, accepting my decisions and being there for me. Of course dad and mum. Even though dad is thousands of miles, I feel he’s here in my heart. 

Six weeks ago I realised the real Ed is flawed but he’s trying to be the best he can. This is what it’s like being Ed. 

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