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Acceptance

For years as a male survivor I have struggled with acceptance. Self acceptance, acceptance of my situation and acceptance from others.

Taking self acceptance first. My biggest issue of the last few years has been accepting myself for the person I am. I have struggled with the thought that I’m worth it. Obviously, I now see that I am but because of the condition in the abuse left me with. I couldn’t see the positives that I have. The biggest realisation has been that I now can accept my strengths and weaknesses, they are all part of me. I feel more comfortable in my own skin now, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

Acceptance of my situation, here is a really issue for me. The feelings I had at the time of the abuse were those of fear, shame, anger, a feeling of self loathing and uselessness. I was only a teenager, vulnerable and frightened. The problem comes 30 years later when I’m still living in that moment. My journey to this point has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Now I see that he was a weak shameful man who couldn’t keep his hands to him self. He tried to ruin my life but I’ve survived. I know that I’ve missed opportunities but I can see the doors that have been opened. Joining the theatre group was something that I never ever dreamed of #livving the dream.

Acceptance from others, a real big one. So, how do I describe this. Well, I have trouble receiving acceptance. Maybe it’s because of all the stuff going on in my head. All the self doubt. Now I’m having to relearn how to accept praise and love. I feel I’ve made progress over the last few months. I am so proud of the progress I’ve made. 

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One response to “Acceptance

  1. Hi Ed, thanks for your writing, it always inspires me. We are in the process of making a documentary and website about addiction and recovery. You might like to take a look….maybe share your story one day? Best wishes Caroline x
    https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/talking-addiction/x/14052676#/

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