I’m feeling that the time has come to start forgiving him for what he did. Firstly, I need to give myself permission to live. To forgive myself, because I wasn’t to blame. There many things I have done on this journey that I’m not proud of. I won’t list them all.
One of the biggest things was my reaction to being told that my contract will not be renewed, this was four years ago. It wasn’t their fault, they didn’t know if I’d be able to carry on. I reacted by bad mouthing the community. I need to look for forgiveness myself, for this.
I now understand that it was for the best. I would never had made so much progress without this. I now see that I had move on to heal properly.
So, down to him and what he did. I know I will never get an apology for this. He may never have to face me and to see what he did. By forgiving him, it doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget what he did. What it means is I can move forward and prove that recovery is posible.
Why forgive? For me, I’ve been taught to forgive because it is part of my own journey. The act of forgiveness is not just saying I forgive you. I understand that forgiveness is part of the healing process. It’s an act of respecting my past but not letting it control my life.
The aspect of forgiveness is all about me taking control of my life.