Redefining my past, why I’ve had to change. Four years ago I was the pitiful victim, or so I thought.
I thought I was the only victim. Everyone else was against me. I spent my time with my head bowed all the time. It was a time where I felt so alone. I isolated myself from the people I lived with.
When I tried to be with others, felt like a outsider.
Now when I look back I see that I wasn’t to blame for these feelings. It was him. Even though he wasn’t there, he moulded all my actions. He had control over me. His control was so strong I couldn’t feel.
It was only after leaving the community I was able to break his control in my life. I think my issues there were related to control. I felt I had no control of my healing process.
It was only after leaving I realised that, I had broken his control over me. There was a vacuum for a while. When I had no direction. Now only one person controls my healing. Me.