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Persona non grata

Have you ever had the feeling that you’re persona non grata. There are a group of people I used to call friends, but now they never return messages. Are they real friends? I sometimes think that, I spent two years of my life living as an outsider. This dates back to my time in community.

I felt that because I didn’t fit in. I never fitted in. Dealing with the abuse stuff made thing worse. Being stuck in the mental health system didn’t help. But, now I still feel like an outsider someone who was tolerated rather than wanted.

Even today some of the community shun me. They just ignore me. These are the people I shared my deepest pain with. Whether or not they mean it, it still hurts. The thing is I still care about them enough to send them messages.

Why does abuse scare so many people. I have to deal with it 24/7. They only have to deal with it when they see me.

It hurts that I feel persona non grata.

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3 responses to “Persona non grata

  1. People don’t know what to say to us. They don’t want to hurt us. It helps if we tell them how they can be supportive.

    • edshearer

      I tried to tell them how they could have been supportive. Sadly the answer was the same. We know best and you have no choice. They were even told by another survivor how they could help. They didn’t listen.

      • People who don’t listen are hard to deal with; especially when they are supposed to care about us. I could offer a ton of explanations as to why people choose not to listen, but none of them would make a difference when it comes to feeling hurt, betrayed, and alone. I guess you have to keep reaching out to people until you can find someone that understands and can be supportive. I think it is a rare thing, to be honest. Our friends and family want us to magically be better, and when they haven’t been through it they do not understand how impossible it is. You end up relying on support groups on-line or in real life, but if you stick around those places long enough, you realize that the faces change.

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