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The week in review

This week I’ve realised that I’m actually stronger than I thought. Even though it’s been an awful week. I’m still here. Still fighting. Still helping others by expressing my feelings here.

One thing though, I am struggling to forgive him for what he did. It’s not as simple as saying I forgive you. I’m having to take it one step at a time. Seeing if I can go, one day at a time without hating him.

There have been days this week where I’d wished, I’d never started this journey. I feel sometimes people just see an abused boy rather than me. Ed, the funny, mad and zany person. Sometimes, I see that thirteen year old boy sitting there with him.

There have also been days this week where I’ve let my mask slip. There have been moments of extreme sadness and loneliness.

So, how would I rate this week. Bad and painful.

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One response to “The week in review

  1. I struggled with the forgiving him thing as well. I couldn’t do it. There are some things that are unforgivable, and it is OK to feel that way. It isn’t necessary to grant him forgiveness. The “forgiving him” is something you do for yourself to begin to letting go of the anger, pain, sadness, and any other negative emotion you have attached to what happened. It is something you do for yourself so that you stop holding on to hatred or anything else directed toward your abuser. Forgiveness is what you use to redirect the mental energy that you have toward healing yourself and not being consumed by your feelings toward your abuser. You have the right to hate your abuser, but to forgive them means that you don’t become consumed by that hatred except to use it to heal your pain.

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