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Being alone with my thoughts

Today is the first Saturday in a while that I’ve just been alone. I’ve been feeling quite low today. The depression has kicked in once again. It seem to come in cycles.

I’ve changed so much that I realise that it’s only a blip.

In a way opening my heart up to God again has opened up some old wounds. My body seems like it just wants to sleep.

I’ve sat with these feelings today and realise that I’m more sad than depressed. The sadness that a huge chunk of my life was stolen.

I know that I have to go through the Cross to be reborn. I just want to know how many times I have to go through this.

My dreams of late have been powerful but firmly set in my past. It’s like should I look to my past to help me move forward. What do the mean and why this part of my past.

Around this time five years ago, I felt so positive. I’d been accepted to join a community and only had a month or so left in my old job. I was planning for the priesthood.

I feel that, I’ve let some people down by not choosing the priesthood. I really believed that it was my vocation to be a priest. Now all I am is an insurance worker.

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