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Being male and a survivor

Being a male and a survivor, it’s one of the hardest things you can ever be. People think that as a man you’re strong enough to let it roll of your back and get on with your life. It’s not as easy as this.

When I first disclosed I knew that I would have a fight, fight to be believed, fight to be accepted and fight for the help I need. Yes, I still need help with the depression. With learning how to trust and love again. This is still so hard.

People don’t understand the effect abuse has on a persons life. It destroys hope, it destroys trust. The main effect on me has been to destroy my school life. I used to sit and look in to space wishing my life away.

Even today I feel let down by a system that doesn’t ask the right questions. A system that let me rot for 25 years. Yes I’m bitter and why shouldn’t I be. Even now most people don’t want to know.

I’ve trying to bring awareness of the problem but sometimes it’s like beating my head against a brick wall.

I am wondering why I continue to do this. Maybe it’s time to stop and look after me. No one else will.

Over the last three and half years I’ve tried so hard to do this. But, now I’m thinking of stopping the activism and just focusing on me.


5 responses to “Being male and a survivor

  1. Reblogged this on Trauma and Dissociation Project and commented:
    Being male and a survivor

  2. you are brave and strong. CSA steals so much from you. I hear you.

  3. C S Kala ⋅

    Yes, I’m afraid you are beating your head against the wall. The wall of those who live in denial. For those of us who know your pain and see, you are not beating your head. You are being heard. You have a voice. You are not alone. Keep speaking from the heart. It is part of the healing process. My faith in the truth of God’s love for me has sustained me through all of it. He loves you, too. Go to Him and allow Him to heal you. Christ came to heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds. We are the brokenhearted….

  4. I am so sorry that you had to deal with this. Your response shows your strength and courage.

  5. All activists need time out sometimes, it’s a long fight on a long journey. We do it for ourselves and we do it for those who come after us. For truth in adoption and an end to the adoption industry. Best wishes to you.

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