Being a male and a survivor, it’s one of the hardest things you can ever be. People think that as a man you’re strong enough to let it roll of your back and get on with your life. It’s not as easy as this.
When I first disclosed I knew that I would have a fight, fight to be believed, fight to be accepted and fight for the help I need. Yes, I still need help with the depression. With learning how to trust and love again. This is still so hard.
People don’t understand the effect abuse has on a persons life. It destroys hope, it destroys trust. The main effect on me has been to destroy my school life. I used to sit and look in to space wishing my life away.
Even today I feel let down by a system that doesn’t ask the right questions. A system that let me rot for 25 years. Yes I’m bitter and why shouldn’t I be. Even now most people don’t want to know.
I’ve trying to bring awareness of the problem but sometimes it’s like beating my head against a brick wall.
I am wondering why I continue to do this. Maybe it’s time to stop and look after me. No one else will.
Over the last three and half years I’ve tried so hard to do this. But, now I’m thinking of stopping the activism and just focusing on me.