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Sorry

Sorry, it’s a word I’ve used more than any. I’ve been apologising all my life. It seems that as a survivor I keep doing this. Sorry, for feeling like shit, sorry for someone else’s mistakes. And sorry for being abused.

I have spent so much time saying sorry, I’m now not sure when I should say sorry or keep my mouth shut.

I think it comes from the abuse. The abuser makes it feel that I was your fault. They weave a web of lies and trap you in the middle. They turn it on it’s head, tell you not to say anything. Then they build up the lies one on top of another. The put the blame on you.

Saying sorry becomes a defence mechanism. I’m sorry for this and sorry for that.

One of my biggest issues is still saying sorry all the time. I’m always being told to not say sorry all the time. I think I need to work on this. I need start not justifying everything I do. I need to be more assertive and more belief in my own abilities.

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