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Time to pause updated

Events over the last few weeks have lead me to make the decision to pause from the healing process.

It feels like I’ve been fighting for three years now and not making any discernible progress, I am still fighting my mind and my abuser. It seems like he is still running my life. How can I lay this to rest so I don’t have to put up with the anxiety and depression. The feeling of dread when people come near.

I feel like I have no choice but to pause. My sleep patterns are terrible, averaging only 3-4 hours a night. I’m totally exhausted and I know from next week I lose my therapy as I’ve had my 12 sessions. I really don’t know what I’ll do. It feels like I am just not making any progress.

Maybe, I should just draw a line under this and admit defeat. Which is what he wants.

I won’t because I deserve better

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7 responses to “Time to pause updated

  1. Jennifer ⋅

    I signed up for your posts because I have a friend abused so badly as a child that he has multiple personalities. He is, however, very functional at work. I’ve known him for 5 years. He has been seeing a therapist the entire time, but changed therapists to find someone that specialized in childhood abuse. The first few years, he had no changes, but in the last 1.5 years he’s been changing for the better alot. Very noticeable.

    I’m in the U.S.A. and he pays for his therapist out of his own pocket. I suggest you quit looking to the government to solve your problem, and use your own money to get therapy. Puts you in control. He is living proof to me it works. He goes almost every week and has the entire time I’ve known him. 12 sessions is nothing.

    He has tried several programs since I’ve known him. If something wasn’t working, he quit and tried something new. He’s been relentless in looking for improvement.

  2. Jennifer ⋅

    You might want to look into EMDR. He hasn’t done that, but many guys I know who’ve had CSA say it works wonders, if done by someone that lays the groundwork and knows what they are doing, and it works faster than conventional therapy.

  3. Jimmy ⋅

    Never give up my friend. x

  4. Jennifer ⋅

    You might also try some of those “crowdsourcing ” sites. List your project – to find therapy to heal from CSA- and request contributions. There are a number of those sites out there.

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