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Why do I feel this way?

Over the last few months I’ve made so much progress. Now, I seem to be slipping back. The pain in my heart is burning.

I wish I could just have the courage to share this with those who see me everyday, those who I spend most of my life with. It is so frustrating. How to I tell them, how I feel.

I know how much they care but I can’t respond to them. I am aware that others around me know that there’s something wrong. I need to just be open and honest with all them. Maybe this is the challenge I’m after. To finally be able to say I am a survivor.

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3 responses to “Why do I feel this way?

  1. You sound like you are climbing hill, when you climb what seems like a small steep bank and the earth moves from under your feet and you slide back down, grasping at twigs to stop yourself going any further – I’m 50 and I still do it ………LOL …………so you’ve slipped – get up make sure your OK , brush yourself down and keep going ………..your going to fall occasionally – the key is to get back up ………..sometimes when I feel I need to be heard – but don’t want people knowing my business, I wear a NAPAC t-shirt it just has on there NAPAC -‘ National association of people abused as children’ – I then kinda feel safe & snug in it – I used to wear it work – it was a ‘shield’ from ignorance ………..if people question you can say ‘yes I belong to them’ or ‘I have some friends who are CSA survivors’ …….

    If its any help the only people who know I’m a survivor are the police, other survivors and those I’ve told as a means of comfort – ‘ quiet often someone says to me ‘ my father used to hit me around when I was growing up’ – and I’ll lovingly reply ‘my stepfather was a ‘B’ too –
    his hands used to wander’ – (they didn’t – he was a full blown paedo & I was his victim – but I like to stay within my comfort zone when I speak about it)

    PS anyone who has survived CSA is a survivor – you are alive – he didn’t murder you, as many are murdered – you are a survivor – you survived it…………..Jodi

  2. Thought I’d share this one with you –

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