Since disclosing three years ago, I’ve had to find and make a new life from the tatters that the old life left.
I have to constantly ask myself what do I want in life and not just accept what others want of me. I want to be able to say to myself well done for making the right choice. And when things don’t go right, not to blame myself.
There are people who think I’m just sad but it’s deeper than that. After all I have been through I deserve some luck in life whether in my private life or at work. One of those I do have power over and I’m working on this. As for the other, I just don’t know if I belong there.
It’s like have to go through the growing pains of a thirteen year old boy. With the knowledge of all the pain ahead.
Early on in my healing one of my support network said there will days that I act as a thirteen year old boy with all the tears and tantrums.
I’m learning that little Ed needs time to heal as well as adult Ed.