Tonight I’ve been looking back at the times in the past when this stuff came up. Times when I wasn’t ready to deal with it.
Back in 1996, I was given a chance of a lifetime to join the Prince’s Trust volunteers course. The chance came about when I’d spent a year running my office’s community action team.
The course started in the February, 12 weeks of self discovery. The second week was spent at a naval base in Portsmouth. My biggest achievement was beating my fear of heights by completing the royal marine assault course.
Over the 12 weeks we had various challenges working on a mural at a school. I spent two weeks working in a hospital in the stroke unit. I met someone very special to me. The final challenge was working on a farm building a yurt. During that week I’d struggled with something deep inside. Not realising what. I couldn’t put my finger on it but one word came to mind “abuse”.
Over the next few months I started to drink heavily and often. I struggled with the simplest task. My drinking got worse and worse to the point where I couldn’t even go a day without drinking. There was even a suicide attempt. I was desperate and I didn’t know why.
In the October I almost lost my job due to drink. I was in such a bad place I couldn’t even see my life falling apart. Due to my drinking I lost that special person. It broke my heart. I realise I wasn’t ready to deal with it then.
I managed to bottle it all up and it stayed there until 2010.