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Giving up

I’m at a crossroads, do I stop and just accept that things are not going to get any better. Be happy with what I’ve got or strive to fully recover. Twenty eight years ago this week my life was changed forever.

It now seems I’ve alienated my family, people I love without condition. I feel that what ever I do I’ll be wrong. Even something that has given me stability has begun to falter. Work for me at the moment is so hard. Trying to be positive is so hard when you feel whatever you do is wrong.

That fateful day twenty eight years ago has ruined what dreams I had. I feel less of a person than others. I feel I lack the ambition to get on. Maybe I should just look for a simple job that any idiot can do.

I feel that giving up now would be the best course of action. Just become an emotionless automaton that can’t feel anything. Just a thought, as I’ve been feeling this way for a while.

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One response to “Giving up

  1. Ed – I am a CSA survivor and I read, a long time ago, that healing doesn’t have a end date – you will be healing for the rest of your life. and I suppose that’s true because you will always have bad connections ( ie christmas/certain food – thing’s that remind you of ‘him’). But your abuse has also made you a person who is more aware of CSA and the consequences…….so it’s impact will always be with you …look on the bright side if you can – I always think ‘ok he abused me , but if he had abused the girl down the road – she could have committed suicide or not told anyone or both’ ………….nobody knows better than us how peodphiles think, act, groom ect ……….use it

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