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Pain of my past

The pain of my past. As time goes on I am aware of a painful past. A part of me wishes that it would go away. And I could hide, hide away from my past.

I keep asking myself will I ever fully get over the abuse. I realise that I simply can’t erase almost thirty years of memories. And I can’t relive old dreams. I hope to be able in time to see the pain ease and try and grieve like this is a loss.

I feel the pain of a lost innocence, something wonderful that was stolen. Something that I can’t get back. I am now asking why the change in my behaviour wasn’t noticed. I think that if it happened nowadays the school would notice the changes.

I feel let down by the school system and by the fact no one asked me what was wrong. It was just put down to being a moody teenager.

I feel that my life would have been different if this hadn’t happened.

In some respects the abuse went on for years all the little nods and winks. Am I his only victim. No my parents were his victims as well. They trusted him and he breached that trust.

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