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The way I see forgiveness is. My abuser is dead so I can’t get justice through the courts. The forgiveness of myself has been the hardest as thing to do as I thought I was to blame. This is wrong as I now know that I am not to blame.

The forgiveness part is not to excuse his actions but to free myself of anger and shame. By forgiving him I’m writing a new chapter in my life and breaking the chains that he bound me in. I’ll never forget but the pain is lessened by releasing the anger and shame.

By forgiving him I’m able to forgive myself. By forgiving myself I break the shackles of abuse.


One response to “Forgiveness

  1. For me, all healing began with self. I had to forgive myself for the things I blamed myself for, most of which was the shame given to me by my abusers and it wasn’t even mine. In forgiving myself, I was able to start loving myself and able to let go of the anger and hurt and started to grieve. Grieving is such a huge part of healing for any survivor. Grieving all the losses is hard work. I think that much of what some doctors call depression is grief that hasn’t been dealt with and has turned inward as anger toward oneself.

    Forgiveness of my abusers didn’t happen until further on in my healing process when I had felt the pain and done the grieving so I could let go of the rage and sadness that felt like a part of me for so long. Forgiveness, for me, wasn’t intentional. It wasn’t something that I planned to do. It just happened as I dealt with each issue of incest.

    Sounds like you are doing some major growing. Be proud of yourself.

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