In November 2010 I was alone in my room feeling so bad I had started to plan my own end. As a catholic I knew it was a sin to even think about suicide. I was feel so desperate I could not see a way out.
I felt isolated from my family and friends. I could not work, no energy and I saw no future. The house I was living in at the time was cold a lonely as my house mates were not around for me to be with.
I had searched the Internet for ideas on painless suicide. As time went on my depression deepened and I was increasingly agitated and angry at the world. I thought my time had come. One evening in winter I sat in the chapel shivering and crying. Cold angry wanting to end it all.
Things didn’t get any better. I spent Christmas with my brother, I wasn’t myself.
In January 2011 my world fell apart. During a chat with a friend. He decided to push all my buttons. He made me admit that I tried to commit suicide.
My life changed forever as I realised that I needed help.
I hadn’t slept properly for almost six months. I went to see a Gp. He gave me some sleeping pills to help me sleep. Then I had to go for psychiatric assessment, this was hard as I was left in a locked bare room for a couple of hours so I could be assessed.
They gave me anti depressants. These changed the person I was. The effect was I stopped feeling. This frightened me.
I was so angry I didn’t speak to my friend for three months. I avoided him.
I now see in hindsight he was right. His methods have somewhat to be desired.
I got through these times and now I can look back and see the progress I have made.