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Thoughts and feelings

I’m feeling thoughtful tonight as I reflect on a strange week. A week ago I seemed to be so wracked with anger. Not anger at my abuser but at myself. Then Sunday night I had a revelation, I suddenly felt the urge to pray for my abuser.

Not only pray for him but to seek the courage to forgive him. But I realised I had to forgive myself first. This is harder than I thought. I had spent 27 years beating myself up and hiding this from me.
I have been trying to understand why I have made this decision. I believe that God has brought me to this stage in my healing.

I seem to be changing, I feel more confident in my self. I still haven’t forgiven him. But I want to in time.

As look back I see that I’m healing at a gentle pace.

As the week has come to an end I now am ready to take the next step in my healing which maybe anything.

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