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A view from the past

This last week I’ve struggled with my past. Mainly due to an anniversary.

I have had to try understand what happened to me and why.

I kind of know what happened to me. It’s something I’m not ready to divulge here at the moment. As I’m not ready.

What I will try and describe are my feelings. Basically I have felt like I was at the bottom of deep well. A place where i was cold and alone. These feelings were what I was feeling a year ago.

I couldn’t see a way out, I could feel nothing but sorrow and rage. I had become nothing. Then during a chat with a friend. I broke down and admitted that I had some suicidal thoughts. This I understand was not normal. I had to realise that I was no longer in control. I needed help and quickly.

I went to see a doctor who prescribed me some sleeping pills as I hadn’t slept properly in almost four months. Two days later I went to see my own doctor, sent me to hospital for an assessment. My life took a dramatic turn for the worse as I was prescribed some anti-depressants. Not a nice time as I then had control of my emotions.

I then had to start the long climb up the well.

Fast-forward to now, I’ve been in full time employment for 10 weeks. And will soon be moving in my own place. So my life still has challenges.

I’m ready to face the challenge of living.

Even though I’ve slipped back a few steps. I will get back to where I was and move even further ahead.

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