This time last year I found myself struggling just surviving day to day. I seemed to be in such a deep depression that I couldn’t even get myself out of bed. At this time I felt as far from my friends and family. I realise that I was in the ” emergency stage” a place where I couldn’t even look after myself.
In January I fell in to a deep pit. A pit I have spent most of the year crawling up the side of a slippery pit. Early on in January I totally broke down and admitted how bad I really was. I ended up being taken to hospital and assessed by mental health professionals.
A new nightmare had come upon me. I was given anti-depressants. For weeks I struggled to find any form of emotion. Then I was required to attend counselling once a week against my will. This really added to my problems. I now understand the reasons behind it but I still don’t agree with the leadership of Sion over this.
Over the next few months I grew away from God. As a result in May I was informed that my services weren’t needed. The anger I felt was enormous it almost consumed me.
Moving into the second half of the year I was stuck in the mental health system, doped up and unemployed. So I started to apply for jobs. I think I applied for about 700 jobs. I couldn’t sign on as I was still under commitment. I had some early success with getting interviews. I had about 5 interviews with no luck. I started to despair and hated checking my emails as all I was getting was rejections.
I early August I took a gamble. I applied for a job at LV=. I was only expecting a rejection. Then a minor miracle happened I was invited to an interview. Even then I did my best to sabotage it. Then in early september I had the news I thought I would never here. They offered me a job. On top of that I managed to get out of the mental health system.
Also at this time I was given a chance to attend a support group run by NAPAC. A survivors charity.
At the end of October I started work with LV=. These last two months have been tough as I am hardly here at Sent. The one thing I now feel is itchy feet. The need to move on and start a fresh.
Where am I now? I don’t know. One thing is sure I am a different person.
In hindsight I can see the decisions made earlier this year were made with my interests at heart however dangerous they were.