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2011 a review

This time last year I found myself struggling just surviving day to day. I seemed to be in such a deep depression that I couldn’t even get myself out of bed. At this time I felt as far from my friends and family. I realise that I was in the ” emergency stage” a place where I couldn’t even look after myself.

In January I fell in to a deep pit. A pit I have spent most of the year crawling up the side of a slippery pit. Early on in January I totally broke down and admitted how bad I really was. I ended up being taken to hospital and assessed by mental health professionals.

A new nightmare had come upon me. I was given anti-depressants. For weeks I struggled to find any form of emotion. Then I was required to attend counselling once a week against my will. This really added to my problems. I now understand the reasons behind it but I still don’t agree with the leadership of Sion over this.

Over the next few months I grew away from God. As a result in May I was informed that my services weren’t needed. The anger I felt was enormous it almost consumed me.

Moving into the second half of the year I was stuck in the mental health system, doped up and unemployed. So I started to apply for jobs. I think I applied for about 700 jobs. I couldn’t sign on as I was still under commitment. I had some early success with getting interviews. I had about 5 interviews with no luck. I started to despair and hated checking my emails as all I was getting was rejections.

I early August I took a gamble. I applied for a job at LV=. I was only expecting a rejection. Then a minor miracle happened I was invited to an interview. Even then I did my best to sabotage it. Then in early september I had the news I thought I would never here. They offered me a job. On top of that I managed to get out of the mental health system.

Also at this time I was given a chance to attend a support group run by NAPAC. A survivors charity.

At the end of October I started work with LV=. These last two months have been tough as I am hardly here at Sent. The one thing I now feel is itchy feet. The need to move on and start a fresh.

Where am I now? I don’t know. One thing is sure I am a different person.

In hindsight I can see the decisions made earlier this year were made with my interests at heart however dangerous they were.

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One response to “2011 a review

  1. Jeff

    Ed, I’m so sorry about the last year and what it’s been for you. You seem to have suffered enormously. Thanks for your courage in relating it to us. You were very brave and strong during the year, it seems to me! Thanks for the encouraging message that your post says to me, that it’s possible to make it through the most difficult experiences. That helps me.
    Warmest wishes, Jeff

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