This week has been hard as I have had full range of feelings and emotions. There have been some good times and bad. I am really struggling to understand myself. I sometimes feel that I am like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Don’t ask me which is good and bad as I don’t know.
I have had time where I felt I had reverted back to where I was a year ago. This is frustrating as I know how much I’ve moved on in my healing.
Maybe I should just take stock and try and see the positives in the process. I think the main problem over the last few weeks has been the fact that my support group finished and I feel a little more isolated. As far as work goes I’m quite happy.
I am also struggling with my faith again. I am just not getting the idea of a God who does not stop this stuff from happening. There are some people I know who’s answer to everything is let God deal with it. the issue is I don’t know if I trust God enough to just do that.
I sometimes wonder if this is all just a bad dream and I’m going to wake up 26 year ago and the able to tell my family what happened. I am still feeling guilty about keeping the secret for so long.
On a more positive note I was creative in the kitchen yesterday. I made a very good meal for the community and they enjoyed it, what’s more they told me so.